Rebuttals to movie MSTing suggestions

DANTE'S PEAK

Okay, Dante's Peak was not that good. They were not able to get away from the traditional Disaster Movie Plot Line (tm). You know: hero shows up, people found dead, hero warns town, Evil Developer refuses to listen, disaster occurs, hero saves everyone, with the traditional cliche disaster movie characters (the Hero, His Girlfriend, the Cute Kids, the Dog, Evil Developer, Stupid-Person-who-Won't-Listen-to-Basic-Facts, and of course Arrogant-Person-who-Doesn't-Listen-to-Hero-at-the-Beginning-but-Listens-Later-and-Has-to-Die-For-Treating-the-Hero-Like-That). However, it is the only disaster film in a long time that did not insult my inteligence or get the facts so blindingly obviously wrong that I was not screaming at the film. Dante's Peak doesn't stand very well for MiSTing.

[...]

To compair the two in terms of MiSTing, I rented both films a few weeks back with full intention of tearing into them and crushing them underfoot. In a group of six people, the zingers kept flying at Volcano, it was too easy. A total of four jokes were made during Dante's Peak.

So Dante's Peak is not a good film, it just isn't really MST material.

Joel Mathis, joelmathis@geocities.com

DUNE

Okay. I do admit that Dune, the movie, stinks. However, you should not base these assumptions on the book. In the book, we find the Emperor has red hair, Chani (wife of Paul) is much younger than the movie would have us believe, and that the Baron Harkonnen is not only so fat he has to use antigravity devices, he's also a bisexual pedophile (fun guy, eh?). So, always remember, THE BOOK IS GOOD. THE MOVIE TRUTHFULLY DOES SUCK. READ THE BOOK. RIP THE MOVIE.

P.S. They never invented those little sonic blaster things they used against the emporor.

currie1501@aol.com

THE 5000 FINGERS OF DR. T

Sure it's surreal, but it's a much better anti-cold war statement than junk like "Fail-Safe" or "Twilight's Last Gleaming." Ellya didn't get it, but many thousands of us *did*. It has its own special kind of sarcasm and cynicism, but it's not a "laughable" flick. Adding Mike and the 'Bots would just waste everybody's time.

Curt Wiederhoeft, CJW9505@Jetson.UH.EDU

Everybody I know thinks The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T is great. It's a little bit weird, it different but its definitely fun. It has the unexpectedness/frivalality of Dr. Suess books which are enjoyed by kids who don't exhibit any of your pretensioness. It something different and unexpected in the whole field of other films. The special effects/set design is incredible considering it was filmed in the early 50's. Get a life.

Robert Hoffman, robert@theriver.com

HARD TARGET

Ok, so Hard Target is far and away John Woo's worst film since he broke away from chop-socky movies in the mid-80's. However, it is without a doubt Van Damme's *best* picture. Finally, Van Damme gets a director who can pour on enough style to cover his inadequacies as both an actor and a martial artist (how he gets by film after film with only one move -- that damn crescent kick -- escapes me). The plot, yet another rip-off of "The Most Dangerous Game," suffers from a hack editing job at the hands of the studio. Over 20 minutes of John Woo fight scenes are missing! The movie should have lost 20 minutes of Yancy Butler instead, and left in the action. And what is this deal with pairing Van Damme and Hong Kong directors anyway? John Woo, Ringo Lam, Tsui Hark. What's next? Send him to Japan to fight Gamera?

Mike Pinsky, pinsky@chuma.cas.usf.edu

THE HOBBIT

Get real. Okay, so this isn't exactly high fantasy, and it cuts out a lot of stuff that was in the book. (Beorn, or however you spell it, for example, and most of the party scene at the beginning.) But it's less cheesy and preachy then a lot of animated films I could name. It also manages to keep the basics of the book intact. (You don't think so? Watch Starship Troopers or The Postman, then let's hear you say that.) What else? Well, Smaug is about the best animated villian I've ever seen. (Those moronic Disney villians always look more silly then vile.) And I'll admit the drawing is sketchy, but in my opinion, that makes it look more realistic. (Again, take Disney films for comparison. And don't bother returning them.) And, okay, maybe the book was deeper and move literary, but this movie is perfect for kids who've outgrown fairy tales but aren't ready for "real" Tolkein yet. Oh, and call me crazy if you will, but I LIKED at least two of the songs.

Craxton, sbellotti@loyola.edu

JOHNNY MNEMONIC

I genuinely liked this movie, and no -- I don't think there were any one-frame messages flashed on the screen like: "It was much better than Cats. I'd see it again and again and again..." Now, I was already a Keanu Reeves fan before seeing "Johnny.," and I'll admit that biases my opinion somewhat; and maybe I just spent the entire film reeling from that first scene of Mr. Reeves clad in black silk boxer shorts ("Saaaaay...!"). However, Keanu aside, this film has much to recommend it. I'll concede that it wasn't particularly long on plot, but it had a great cyberpunk look, super action scenes, funny dialog (I mean intentionally funny); and a terrific supporting cast. Udo Kiel, Ice T, Henry Rollins and Dolph Lundgren were all wonderfully weird. And then there was this Yakuza with a killer thumb...

Okay, "Johnny" is a no-brainer, but it's a *fun* no brainer. It's not a stinker. It's certainly not in the same "I-can't-sleep-and-I'm-tasting-metal" category as, say, Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Joan Silsby, SILS7136@mlb.com

LET'S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH

I strongly disagree with whoever wrote the review for Let's Scare Jessica to Death! It's so rare to find a cinematic ghost story with even a modicum of intelligence, and it's so annoying to find such a film put down by someone so witless they can't even get a brief summary of the plot right! "A woman and her friends try to scare a rich woman"? I don't know what film this anonymous reviewer was watching (or what they were on while they were watching it) but that description bears almost no relation to the specific subject in question. "The movie was bad based on film quality"? What is that supposed to mean--the actual film stock was bad? And the "slow pacing" the reviewer complains about is actually called "atmosphere"--another quality severely lacking in most films today. (Sorry, no car chases in this one, bub.) Anyone looking for an intelligent, charachter-driven ghost story could do a lot worse than renting Let's Scare Jessica to Death (despite the admittedly stupid sounding title.)

James Harrison, britton@thurston.com

MIDNIGHT MADNESS

So, this movie is goofy. In my opinion, that's one of its high points. I happen to like low comedy a lot. This movie has a lot of interesting characters and cool stuff, etc. I just like it. What right have you to judge this film?

Attmay, ansch002@acpub.duke.edu

MOONWALKER

Yes, it's true that this movie is essentially a Michael Jackson ego trip. However, when you put that aside, you end up with a pretty good movie with lots of great music.

I mean, let's take a look at what we have here: A live version of 'Man in the Mirror;' a retrospecive of all of MJ's music from the Jackson 5 to "Bad"; A hilarious version of the 'Bad' video... staring all kids; a surreal sequence in which Micheal is chased by Claymation people; the dance with the rabbit costume (admittidly a slow sequence); 'Just Leave Me Alone'; The 'Smooth Criminal' sequence (The version seen here is far more memorizing than the version you can see on MTV [also seen during the crdits]); and the concert version of 'Come Together.'

Of course the entire storyline in which Micheal stops Joe Pesci from spreading the world with drugs is clichéd and hackneyed, but it only take the last third of the enitre movie, and isn't that bad.

Dave, who was mostly concerned with the plot of the story sequence, completely missed the point of this movie - the music.

Jeff McGinnis, jdmcginn@mailbox.syr.edu

SEVEN YEARS IN TIBET

Unless 'getting laid' is your entire reason for existience, you would not understand one reason for the film is to wake people up to the cultural genocide happening in Tibet and has been for many years. I find it rather odd we care more about an animal becoming extinct than an entire race. And don't even get me started about the China's MFN status. That is another story........an ugly one.

Be sure to see Red Corner and Kundun or more on Tibet. WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!

Lifegiver, astevens@pacific.telebyte.com

SHAKES THE CLOWN

Listen, now I may have a sick sense of humor, but I thought this was pretty funny. I don't think the author of the review particularly cares for any film about alcoholism, so she has no business seeing this to begin with.

Attmay, ansch002@acpub.duke.edu

THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE

I have to dispute Crary Myers' opinion of this budgetless little gem.

There's Nothing Out There is the movie that MST's itself. They KNOW they don't have a budget. The whole thing is a comedy. Mike and the 'bots can't do anything to this film that the writers and directors haven't already thought of.

The premise here is that five teens DO go to spend a weekend in a secluded cabin. One of them, however, is a horror movie buff, and he quickly begins to realize that they are all IN a horror movie. And this is done infinitely better than Scream.

All MST'ers know what it's like to shout "How can you be so STUPID?" at the hero/victim in a horror movie. This guy actually does what you would have told him to do! Various other deliberately stereotypical characters bite the dust in various deliberately stereotypical ways, and he says "I told you so."

And yes, one of the characters actually does jump up and swing off the boom mike to escape the monster at one point.

It's truly one of the most amusing horror movie spoofs I've ever seen.

Ted Collins, tcollins@qcom.net

TWISTER

OK, I'll agree that the most of the characters in the movie were preseneted as "hicks;" but you have to wonder what kind of people would be chasing a mile wide tornado that destroys anything that it comes in contact with. It if one of the few movies I have ever seen that I gave a 10 (on a scale of 1-10, 1=worst and 10=excelent). It is probably the fact that I am from Tornado Alley (that's Texas up to Kansas for you geographically challenged). This movie was excellent. Everyone in Oklahoma (where I'm from and where the movie was filmed) loved it! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT IT WAS BAD? MAY ANYONE WHO TALKS LIKE THAT ABOUT TWISTER BE HIT BY ONE! (just kidding about the beign hit by a tornado curse thing.)

John W. Leon, kwvj90b@prodigy.com

XANADU

Come on. Xanadu isn't -that- bad. Sure, it's fluff, but Gene Kelley's cool, the special effects are ful, and ELO was NOT a disco band. Oh, and John Travolta is nowhere in this movie. Are we sure the reviewer wasn't watching Twist of Fate, which -is- awful?

dagonet@oaktree.net