Another good one for MST, although some of the Catherine Mary Stewart fans
out there might object. Basically, a comet makes a close pass by Earth, and
almost everyone dies. Apparently being inside a metal building protects
people from the comets effects, so our heroine and her boyfriend survive the
night because they were to busy getting it on in the tool shed to watch the
comet.
Wait! It gets worse! Some people who were "partially protected" get turned
into murderous zombies! The boyfriend gets killed by one almost the instant
he and CMS step out of the tool shed! (Don't worry, CMS soon finds a
replacement.) Not all of the zombies are brainless (at least according to
the brainless script), so some of them have lines, but they're all homicidal
maniacs.
Need even more pain? Well, there's a think tank of brainy guys who realized
that the comet was dangerous, so they all hid out in an underground bunker
so they could preserver civilization. Unfortunately, these morons left the
vents to the outside open, so they've all been exposed to evil comet stuff
and are slowly degenerating into zombies. They send some agents out to
capture CMS and her companions because they think they can extract a cure
from her, but the agents succumb to the comet stuff and go nuts by the time
the find her. Remember now, these scientists in their shelter are
degenerating into zombies, but CMS is OK because she was shacking up in the
tool shed.
Finally, after all the zombies have finally kicked off and CMS and her
friends are lazing about town grabbing whatever they want of the store
shelves, she discovers that the only other survivor in town is her hated
video game rival.
I think the makers WANTED this thing to be MST material.
Ted Collins, tcollins@qcom.net
NIGHT OF THE GHOULS (1959)
Also known as Revenge of the Dead (1959), this has got to
be one of the most god-awful movies I have ever sat through. This makes
Plan 9 from Outer Space look like Star Wars. You
have to see it to believe it. From what I could follow of the plot, this
movie is a sequel to that other Ed Wood classic Bride of the
Monster and features several cast
members and Ed Wood regulars Kenne Duncan, "Duke" Moore, Paul Marco, and
the one and only Tor Johnson. The house that got struck by lightning and
went up in a nuclear explosion at the end of "Bride" has been rebuilt
and there are some spooky goings-on there. An old couple rush to the
police station and report that they saw a ghostly woman dressed in
white. She scares them to death by walking up to their car, writhes her
fingers and them, and then runs away! A detective is sent to the house
to investigate and runs into an old guy in a turban and no teeth named
Dr. Acula (I am not making this up!) Dr. Acula is conducting a seance
for an old woman and her teenage boyfriend. During the seance we see a
floating teacup (oooo, scary!), a sheet float by (my heart is my
throat!) and a creepy black guy muttering incoherently and moving his
mouth like a cow chewing cud (now that's scary!) Tor Johnson appears
once again as Lobo in bad burn make-up. There are subplots about a
spineless young policeman who jumps every time he hears a cricket and
woman dressed in black who goes around killing stupid teenagers. Even
Tony Cardoza shows up in a bit part (he was also one of the associate
producers)! This has got to be the worst film ever made. According to
Leonard Maltin, this film sat on the shelf for 23 years! If you look
closely at the opening credits, you can see 1983 in roman numerals. I
hope Mike and the bots choose this film. They would rip it to shreds.
Nichele Johnston, vaelyn@hotmail.com
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS
...was the story of a herd of (no kidding)
giant killer rabbits, overrunning Idaho!! Or some such place. One of the best
aspects of this film is that the rabbits, somehow, are always in slow motion.
Some well-trained bunnies, I'd say. Gratefully, the film ends when the rabbits
are electrocuted by a railroad. THE ONE REASON why you should mist this movie:
DeForest Kelly.
Joshua Bissey, joshua@cs.umr.edu
I don't remember the director,
the actors, or the year it was made. The movie, though, is truly
memorable in its awfulness. These killer bunny rabbits put the one in
Monty Python and the Holy Grail to shame. Unlike Python's
beast, these rabbits aren't meant to be funny -- but they'll have you
falling off the couch laughing. Don't watch it after abdominal surgery
unless you've got lots of pain medication close at hand.
Paula Morton, pmorton@snd10.med.navy.mil
This movie is GREAT for MST3King - I know it's on your
list but the review there just didn't do it justice. I don't
think the banter at the screen when we watched it stopped from
the beginning to the end credits. It was fantastic. No dead spots.
The best line (spoken by a policeman at a drive-in
movie theater): "Ladies and gentlemen - a hoarde of killer
rabbits is coming this way. Your cooperation is appreciated."
Bob Donahue, donahue@skepsis.com
NIGHT TRAIN TO VENICE (1993) International Video Productions
Watching this film was the most horrifying experience of my existence.
It is a painful and pretentious bit of cinematic excrement about a
train, neo-Nazis, shoelaces, fire, an androgynous Vidal-Sassoon reject
and his/her equally androgynous offspring, and falling leaves that turn
into girls or something, and oh yeah, a couple of dobermans.
student@showme.missouri.edu