- THE KID FROM CLEVELAND (1949)
- It's about a kid that gets to meet the 1948 Cleveland Indians (their
last World Series championship) and is just plain bad. The poor players
are so wooden... but the real actors are even worse! Includes baseball Hall
of Famers Bob Feller, Lou Boudreau, Bill Veeck and Tris Speaker...
Shawn Moore, mooresd@pwfl.com
- KILLBOTS (aka CHOPPING MALL) (1986)
- How this miserable piece of sludge has escaped the MST3K treatment is
beyond me. This one has also been secretly renamed Chopping
Mall, in
a bizarre plot to make you watch it twice (because trust me, you ain't
gonna watch this one any more times than you have to!). What I remember
of the plot is that it involved a group of "wild and crazy" teenagers
who sneak into the mall at night(Sherman Oaks Galleria - this is one
time I wish Moon Unit Zappa could have been in her favorite haunt) and
do lots of zany teenage things. Unfortunately, they had no idea that
the Killbots were on duty...Yes the Killbots! Latest in high-tech robot
mall security!!!! These babies seemed more suited for Fort Knox than
the Food Court. These babies came armed with laser beams that make the
Star Wars weapons seem like flashlights. After a number of really nasty
and murderous interludes in which the vast majority of sex crazed kids
get turned into crispy critters, the virginal heroine and her injured
boyfriend manage to finally overcome the robots! I just had one thought
on my mind as my brain cells struggled to regain their composure - what
kind of a markup are these stores getting that they can afford such
state of the art security!
David Moxness, DavidM@diamondmm.com
- THE KILLER CONDOM (original title KONDOM DES GRAUENS) (1996)
Ascot Elite Entertainment Group
- Um. Well. What -does- one say to a German film with
subtitles about killer condoms infesting New York City and chewing
people's John Thomas's off? Shall we add the Sicilian (?!?) hero, a gay
detective named Luigi Mackaroni? The transvestites? The villian, a fine
piece of hysterical acting broken up only by gallons of slime? The mad
professor and his fetish for red jelly? The fine special effects (the
'extra-large' animate condom, designed for Detective Mackaroni's
extra-large Willy, ends up killing the Evil Henchman by sucking his face
off. He looks like he's using a barf bag. Wonder why.)
In short, this is DEEP, DEEEEEEEEP hurting. Take a sensitive male friend
and watch them wince.
Duke Egbert, diedi@rocketmail.com
- KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988) Chiodo Bros.
- The title is bad, and it gets worse from there. It's about, well, killer
clowns from outer space, and some pointless children. The clowns set up a
base that looks like a fun house inside. Their main weapon is a cotton candy
gun, I kid you not. They kill people and coccoon them in cotton candy to ...
do something with them, I guess. The clowns are sort of supposed to eat the
people, and I think they eat an arm or something. They aren't the most
threatening villains. At one point a Klown lures a little girl outside of
the McDonald-esque restaurant her parents are in, and once he's got her
defensless in the playground, all of two feet away from him, he stands there
smiling evilly until she gets cold and goes back inside. There are also
teenage heroes, and, if I remember right, a surly cop who won't believe them.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wet your pants. It's a movie that's MSTed
without anyone having to say anything. Also, it should be easy to find.
Highest possible recommendation.
Sarah Caldwell, leh@mail.utexas.edu
Yes it's as bad as it's name is unbelievable. Huge evil clowns in bad
makeup and worse wardrobe land on Earth in a sleepy little town and
begin their evil plot to take over the Earth. Fortunately, most of the
actors seem somewhat aware of the quality of the film and there are
moments when the audience can actually capture a hint of amusement on
their faces, but for the most part I'm afraid they were overpaid. The
premise is horrible and exceeded only by the production, a must see for
cult film fans, but be warned you will never see clowns the same way.
Hell for that matter you may never see film the same way. Oh who am i
kidding, be careful this film could have lasting, impairing effects, not
for the fainthearted or the critically inflexible.
Audra Hendrix, critter8@flash.net
- KILLERS FROM SPACE (1954) W. Lee Wilder Productions/RKO Radio
Pictures
- It's been a while since I've seen it, but
here's what I think happened: A pilot crashes (what? a plane crash
in a B-Movie?!). He's saved (unfortunately), but he has a strange
scar (No! Really?). When he drives, he keeps seeing a giant pair of
eyes in front of his face (out of windsheild fluid, too). Some how he
ends up in a cave with some aliens that look like Marty Feldman.
They're trying to destroy the Earth with giant spiders and lizards
("Feel the wrath of my big-screen TV!"). Our... hero somehow escapes
and ends up blowing the aliens up with a big bomb (Ooo, big suprise
there!). In other words, I think Feldman was better in Young
Frankenstein.
Vermin Boy (no address)
- KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (1977)
- An attack of gigantic, obviously puppeted,spider invasion would be
fantastic to see MST'd. Starring that unbelievably hysterical actor
Bill Shatner, it had my friends and I cheering when he was attacked..
The end sequence was impressive, but seeing as how MST works, I'd Love
to see this done..
Unknown, nobody@planetx.bloomu.edu
- KISS DADDY GOODBYE
- Saw this on Elvira's Films of the Night or whatever [...] In any case,
awful...About two kids (brother and sister)
who have psychokinetic powers, and their father, who wants to keep their
powers hidden, and their adventures on the road. The kids have no problem
with using their powers to get back the frisbee that went across the
road, but watch listlessly as their father is killed by bikers. After
this, they magically animate their dads body to get his revenge. Stars
Fabian as a Deputy.
Carl Stone, cstone@mcs.kent.edu
- KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) Hanna-Barbera
Productions
- I was very surprised no one had suggested this one. This movie is living proof
that not all musicians can act. The story revolves around KISS performing at
an amusement
park, an evil genius cloning them, a desperate girl trying to figure out why
her fiance has been acting so weird, (He's been cloned, goshdarnit!) and a lot
of cheesy 70's special effects. In the end, KISS saves the day through a show
of incredibly horrible acting and even worse fight scenes. (Picture Ace
Frehley ripping the heads off of animotronic apes.)
ladycplum@aol.com
- K-9000 (1991) (TV) Fries Entertainment
- A cop who hates machines gets involved in a conspiracy to steal a
telepathic
dog and use it to do...something bad. In the quest for the dog, lots of
people get shot, some running gags get driven into the ground, and very
little plot develops. Although the film can be cute (in a painful,
groan-inducing kind of way), its few attempts at humor don't protect it from
deserving a saving MiSTing...
Demian Katz, katz@netaxs.com
- KRULL (1983) Columbia Pictures
- This film's a jumble of science fiction and fantasy, which opens with a
sort of giant flying castle landing on the surface of some earthlike
planet. The Beast (who sort of resembles a Gillman draped in guts,
possessed by demons and filmed through a fisheye lens) has come to the
planet Krull to conquer it, or something. Colwyn, the prince of one
kingdom, plans to marry Lyssa, the princess of another kingdom, when the
wedding is interrupted by the weird-ass minions of the Beast, who charge
around on horses and have weapons that combine elements of laser guns
and spears. The princess is carried off to the fortress of the Beast, so
her husband-to-be must go and rescue her in order to fulfill some
prophecy, which involves destroying the Beast with a weapon called the
Glaive, a sort of giant switchblade throwing star/boomerang. Colwyn is
aided in his quest by a couple old guys, a band of escaped prisoners, a
cyclops, a little kid, and a goofy magician (named Ergo the Magnificent,
no less) who changes into various comical animals at inopportune
moments.
Ultimately, the concept is interesting and familiar, if just plain goofy
and cheesy. The movie has its moments (such as one character traversing
a giant spider's web to get some pertinent information that was kind of
obvious), but, well, it's Krull. Among the cast of relative
unknowns can
be found Freddie Jones (Thufir Hawat from Dune), Liam Neeson(!
Darkman,
et al.) as one of the roving thieves, and Francesca Annis (Lady Jessica
from Dune, and romantically linked to Ralph Fiennes, so I hear)
as this
old lady who lives in the giant spider's web.
Enjoy. Or not.
Duncan Shea, sarazawa@hotmail.com